Free Write

I love it when we get the opportunity to just sit down and write. No expectations, no themes, nothing holding us back except our own minds and imaginations. Unfortunetly this Monday morning I seem to be at a loss for words. It has been a long last couple of weeks and I would really love nothing more than to be back in bed only contimplating getting my ass up and motivated. The whole premiss of taking summer school was to get done a bit sooner so I could student teach this Winter quarter, but there are time that I feel that I am just exahsted and would like to take a break and hell even go back to work. I want to teach and I want to be able to say that I completed my degree but at times I am afraid that I have put myself in a hole that I will never get out of. I am tired of being broke and behind on all my bills. The fear of letting my family down just bites at me. It is not supposed to be this difficult at 44. I should be well into my career with money in the bank, the ability to take my family on vacation or to do things without worrying about how I am going to pay for it. I really hope that all this pays off in the end and I haven't made a major mistake in my choice of returning to school.
Whew, now that I got that off my chest I feel a bit better. I am doing good and I know that at times the anxiety is horrific but this is the right thing to do and I know that it is a means to the end and I will just keep moving along and keeping my head above water.